On the same day...on the same course...
Metrodome were nice enough to send me a review copy of Titanic 2 quite recently, and whilst I watched it quite some time ago this review has been slow to come.
Let's face it, we know this film isn't going to be great. I approached it, as many would, as something that is light entertainment, a B-Movie that you can sit down, turn your brain off, and watch with childish glee.
The story, unsurprisingly, is about a ship named Titanic 2. It looks almost exactly like Titanic, but has a few modern technological upgrades. At the same time as we witness the launch of Titanic 2, we are introduced to James Maine (played by Bruce Davison, as the DVD box proudly proclaims) up in the North Pole researching the effects of global warming.
Whilst there, a giant piece of ice breaks off, and crashes into the ocean, sending out a Mega Tsunami filled with icebergs. Guess where it's headed?
That's right, straight for Titanic 2.
Needless to say, hilarity ensues. You can guess who is going to die, but how they do so is another matter entirely.
You can tell from the outset that this film was made on a very limited budget that they tried their hardest to use as wisely as they could, it's just a shame that it wasn't used in the right places.
Visually, this movie is unimpressive the majority of the time. The sets they've managed to piece together are believeable to an extent, but all sense of believeability is lost when the camera pans out to show us the digitally built portions of Titanic 2. This unimpressive CGI also extends to many of the death scenes, or action shots, as people look like they've been cut out of the scene in Photoshop and quickly spun away.
The lead character, Hayden Walsh (played by Shane Van Dyke), is both the writer and director for Titanic 2, which screams of ego trip to me, whilst Bruce Davison only makes minor appearances.
Perhaps the biggest highlight, for me, was the revelation that the captain of Titanic 2 was played by D.C. Douglas. That may sound odd, but he's a bit of a geek favourite of mine, having played the character of Albert Wesker in several of the Resident Evil games.
After sitting through the 82 minute runtime I felt a moment of sorrow. Titanic 2 is not a great film, and could barely be described as a good film. I remember when the trailer first hit the internet it recieved a lot of attention for how hilarious the premise seemed.
The moment of sorrow came at the realisation that Van Dyke and The Asylum (the company behind the film) really missed an opportunity when naming it. Titanic 2 is a cheesy name, something that would automatically put many people off from viewing it.
It's not good enough to be taken seriously, and it's not bad enough to be picked up for a laugh, and so it came to me; the best name for this film, a name that would grab the attention of passers by that wanted a cheap laugh, would have been Giant Ship Vs. Mega Tsunami.
With this title, The Asylum would've been able to cash in on the stoner market that so enthusiastically support Mega Shark Vs. Giant Octopus.
Titanic 2 was written and Directed by Shane Van Dyke, Produced by The Asylum, and Distributed by Metrodome Group
Tuesday 8 March 2011
Thursday 3 March 2011
I wanna be the very best...
Like no one ever was...bam-bam-buh-bum!
Pokemon Red came out sometime in the 90s when I was still at secondary school. I followed the TV show and the card game, but could never get into the videogame. This left me secluded from my friends that were obsessed with them.
Ten or more years later, and Pokemon Black & White have just been released for Nintendo's DS handheld. After much nagging, I was convinced to try out Pokemon Black, to see if I could get into them after years of improvement on what I saw as a flawed system.
This, my friends, is my journey across the Unova region, desperately trying to "catch 'em All."
The Adventure Begins
I wake from a strange dream. A large group of people watching an old man place a crown on the head of a younger man. He raises his hand, and I wake up.
Weird.
But today is the day. I notice a large gift on my bedroom table, and my friend Cheren is just entering the room.
We stand and stare at the box for a while, anticipating our friend Bianca's arrival, she's a bit ditzy and has turned up late. When she finally arrives, we all step forward and open the box.
Inside are three small Red&White balls with a black band around the middle. Our Pokeballs.
I take Tepig, a fire Pokemon, as my choice. Cheren takes Oshawott, a water Pokemon, and Bianca decides on Snivy, a grass Pokemon.
Bianca makes the decision that, to try out our new okemon, we must have a battle. I accept her challenge, and away we go.
After a few seconds of learning how to control Tepig, I have defeated Snivy and my room is in a mess. Cheren now challenges me, and I once again rise triumphant over my friends. My room is still a mess, but I'm happy to see that my Wii is still in pristine condition.
I leave my bedroom and follow my friends downstairs. My mother brushes away our apologies and says she'll clear everything up (ever dilligent housewife that she is), and we set off on our visit to Professor Juniper...the kind Professor that gifted us our first ever Pokemon.
Before I leave, I ntice that there is only one set of stairs in the house, and they lead directly into my bedroom. So, clearly, my mother is not just a dilligent housewife, but happy to sleep on either the floor or the sofa.
I shrug, and head off into the wider world. Taking my first steps into unknown territory. Outside my own house.
Before visiting Professor Juniper, I decide to take a stroll around my home town, perhaps this would be the last time I ever laid my eyes upon these idylic houses?
I quickly realise that my home town is very small. It couldn't even be called a village. There are four buildings, including my own home.
My friends parents think nothing of my walking through their door whilst their children are not home, nor of my walking up into their rooms. They appear to have parents that are just as devoted and willing to sleep on the floor or sofa of their living room.
Cheren and Bianca have both a Mother & Father, I only seem to have a Mother. Daddy, why did you leave me?
But enough of this, it's time to meet the Professor and start with my quest!
Professor Juniper introduces us to the world of Pokemon Training by giving us a lowdown on how our Pokedex will work (it's an encyclopeadia of every Pokemon we meet and catch), and then she kindly asks if we'd be willing to fill our Pokedex for her studies.
We accept, and we set out.
Route 1
"In the long grass, wild Pokemon will jump out at you and attack!" I am told, so where better to get my hands on some new Pokemon of my own?
I set out through the long grass, never to see my home or my mother again, and a wild Patrat appears, and the battle commences.
I spend the next few minutes battling Patrats and Lillipups, catching one each for myself and leveling my Tepig at the same time.
"Until we get to the city, you should go home to heal your Pokemon."
Well, there goes the slither of independance. But I carry on.
I explore, battle and slowly work my way down Route 1 to Accumula.
I briefly explore the small town, walking into the house of strangers who are perfectly fine with me rumaging through their trash cans and talking to their children. I am, after all, a Pokemon Trainer.
Professor Juniper introduces me to the PokeCenter, the place for healing my Pokemon (yay, no more running home!) and buying supplies.
I hand over my caught pokemon to the nurse behind the counter, she heals them, and hands them back to me.
"Hope to see you again!"
I stumble slightly...pardon?
The Pokecenter is free. Her wish to see me again is not based on monetary gain from each visit...she is just purely sadistic. Place yourself in this scenario:
You go out drinking, you get into a fairly nasty fight where ultimately you take a lot of damage and knock your opponent unconcious. Upon leaving the Hospital, right as rain, the nurses and doctors smile and wave whilst cheerfuly saying "Hope to see you again!"
How would you react?
I'm, understandably, scared of returning to this place.
Before I can speak with anyone about the morbid staff working at their local center, there is a commotion in the street.
A group of strangely dressed men and women stand behind an old man in a brown robe of somekind.
He preaches to the crowd about how we don't truly understand the Pokemon, that we cannot be certain that they want to be treated the way that we treat them. He asks us to think on this dilemma, and then leaves.
The crowd disperses, leaving myself and Cheren standing around facing a man with green hair.
He introduces himself as "N" and asks us if we agree with the man, if we can hear the Pokemon speaking.
I shrug him off as crazy, but then he throws his balls at me and I'm in a fight.
My Tepig destroys his Purrlion, and I leave him to lick his wounds.
It is time for me to continue on my journey, to find my first gym, and to discover more Pokemon.
But this is a tale for tomorrow. For now, I rest.
Pokemon Red came out sometime in the 90s when I was still at secondary school. I followed the TV show and the card game, but could never get into the videogame. This left me secluded from my friends that were obsessed with them.
Ten or more years later, and Pokemon Black & White have just been released for Nintendo's DS handheld. After much nagging, I was convinced to try out Pokemon Black, to see if I could get into them after years of improvement on what I saw as a flawed system.
This, my friends, is my journey across the Unova region, desperately trying to "catch 'em All."
The Adventure Begins
I wake from a strange dream. A large group of people watching an old man place a crown on the head of a younger man. He raises his hand, and I wake up.
Weird.
But today is the day. I notice a large gift on my bedroom table, and my friend Cheren is just entering the room.
We stand and stare at the box for a while, anticipating our friend Bianca's arrival, she's a bit ditzy and has turned up late. When she finally arrives, we all step forward and open the box.
Inside are three small Red&White balls with a black band around the middle. Our Pokeballs.
I take Tepig, a fire Pokemon, as my choice. Cheren takes Oshawott, a water Pokemon, and Bianca decides on Snivy, a grass Pokemon.
Bianca makes the decision that, to try out our new okemon, we must have a battle. I accept her challenge, and away we go.
After a few seconds of learning how to control Tepig, I have defeated Snivy and my room is in a mess. Cheren now challenges me, and I once again rise triumphant over my friends. My room is still a mess, but I'm happy to see that my Wii is still in pristine condition.
I leave my bedroom and follow my friends downstairs. My mother brushes away our apologies and says she'll clear everything up (ever dilligent housewife that she is), and we set off on our visit to Professor Juniper...the kind Professor that gifted us our first ever Pokemon.
Before I leave, I ntice that there is only one set of stairs in the house, and they lead directly into my bedroom. So, clearly, my mother is not just a dilligent housewife, but happy to sleep on either the floor or the sofa.
I shrug, and head off into the wider world. Taking my first steps into unknown territory. Outside my own house.
Before visiting Professor Juniper, I decide to take a stroll around my home town, perhaps this would be the last time I ever laid my eyes upon these idylic houses?
I quickly realise that my home town is very small. It couldn't even be called a village. There are four buildings, including my own home.
My friends parents think nothing of my walking through their door whilst their children are not home, nor of my walking up into their rooms. They appear to have parents that are just as devoted and willing to sleep on the floor or sofa of their living room.
Cheren and Bianca have both a Mother & Father, I only seem to have a Mother. Daddy, why did you leave me?
But enough of this, it's time to meet the Professor and start with my quest!
Professor Juniper introduces us to the world of Pokemon Training by giving us a lowdown on how our Pokedex will work (it's an encyclopeadia of every Pokemon we meet and catch), and then she kindly asks if we'd be willing to fill our Pokedex for her studies.
We accept, and we set out.
Route 1
"In the long grass, wild Pokemon will jump out at you and attack!" I am told, so where better to get my hands on some new Pokemon of my own?
I set out through the long grass, never to see my home or my mother again, and a wild Patrat appears, and the battle commences.
I spend the next few minutes battling Patrats and Lillipups, catching one each for myself and leveling my Tepig at the same time.
"Until we get to the city, you should go home to heal your Pokemon."
Well, there goes the slither of independance. But I carry on.
I explore, battle and slowly work my way down Route 1 to Accumula.
I briefly explore the small town, walking into the house of strangers who are perfectly fine with me rumaging through their trash cans and talking to their children. I am, after all, a Pokemon Trainer.
Professor Juniper introduces me to the PokeCenter, the place for healing my Pokemon (yay, no more running home!) and buying supplies.
I hand over my caught pokemon to the nurse behind the counter, she heals them, and hands them back to me.
"Hope to see you again!"
I stumble slightly...pardon?
The Pokecenter is free. Her wish to see me again is not based on monetary gain from each visit...she is just purely sadistic. Place yourself in this scenario:
You go out drinking, you get into a fairly nasty fight where ultimately you take a lot of damage and knock your opponent unconcious. Upon leaving the Hospital, right as rain, the nurses and doctors smile and wave whilst cheerfuly saying "Hope to see you again!"
How would you react?
I'm, understandably, scared of returning to this place.
Before I can speak with anyone about the morbid staff working at their local center, there is a commotion in the street.
A group of strangely dressed men and women stand behind an old man in a brown robe of somekind.
He preaches to the crowd about how we don't truly understand the Pokemon, that we cannot be certain that they want to be treated the way that we treat them. He asks us to think on this dilemma, and then leaves.
The crowd disperses, leaving myself and Cheren standing around facing a man with green hair.
He introduces himself as "N" and asks us if we agree with the man, if we can hear the Pokemon speaking.
I shrug him off as crazy, but then he throws his balls at me and I'm in a fight.
My Tepig destroys his Purrlion, and I leave him to lick his wounds.
It is time for me to continue on my journey, to find my first gym, and to discover more Pokemon.
But this is a tale for tomorrow. For now, I rest.
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